How was your week? Did you do your assignment from last week? Last week, I asked you to be aware of your actions, thoughts an words with this verse in mind. For me, this was a pretty tough week. We started our next round of 21 Day Fix this week, so between getting back into the habit of working out every night, the challenge group we have running this week, plus just regular work and things, I am running a little on empty. I was a little snappy this week to Josh. My house is a mess. It just wasn’t a good week. But, instead of sitting in my defeat, we will pick it up again today and start over for a new week. The goal for last week was to just be aware of how you act and when. We all have triggers. I know if I am tired or didn’t sleep well or had a stressful day at work or even something as simple as I have a headache today, I can be a little short with Josh. So, in being aware of that, I can learn to overcome those feelings.
Today we will be talking about what reverent means in verse one. Here is your study guide for the week: Titus2WifeLifew.2
I don’t know about you, but reverence isn’t a word I use in my every day life, so I wasn’t really sure what it meant.
Initially, I planned on skipping this entire section because I am not an “older woman.” One study defined older women as someone who has children that are grown and out of the house, which clearly isn’t me. But, the more I thought and prayed about it, the more I realized I needed to study this as well because someday I will be an older woman. These characteristics are things I need to be striving towards day by day.
So, let’s start with the definition. The dictionary defines reverence as “feeling or showing a deep solemn respect.” Some synonyms are: respectful, admiring, devoted, and awed.
When I looked for it used in today’s language, it always talked about the kind of respect that you would show at a memorial or funeral. Think about this, we would never go to a funeral and sit there and text or scroll through Facebook and ignore the people speaking. We would never interrupt them or roll our eyes if we disagree. So, why do we do that when our husbands are talking?
I talked about this in the video, but I think it is so important. The definition doesn’t just say feeling respect; it says feeling or showing respect. Sometimes, we don’t think our husband is acting like someone that deserves respect, I mean let’s be honest here. No husband is perfect 100% of the time. But, we are called to respect them, period. The Bible says “Wives, respect and obey your husbands in the same way.” 1 Peter 3:1 It doesn’t say respect and obey your husbands when he does what you say. Or, respect and obey your husbands when he is perfect. You can show respect to your husband without feeling like it.
I think the biggest time I felt this in my marriage was the day we got into our car accident. It was totally Josh’s fault.
He will deny it to this day, but as we were getting off the highway and merging into the left lane, he didn’t look over his shoulder, he didn’t look in the review mirrors, he just went. And BAM, we hit a construction truck. I remember the look of terror on his face as the car shook. He pulled over to the side of the road, I jumped out of the car and saw our bumper bouncing down the road. Oh my gosh, it gives me anxiety thinking about it.
The police came to investigate. Josh’s dad came to help. Finally, the officer came over and told us that someone had called who saw the whole accident and he was giving us a ticket. Josh was angry. I could see it in his face. His dad could too and took him away before he did something stupid. I took our ticket and gave the officer a hug. (Which looking back, I think freaked him out. I mean he just gave us a ticket and said we were at fault and here I am reaching for him. haha He was just really nice and I was a crying freaking mess and he helped calm me down.)
In that moment, I was upset with Josh. We had just gotten into our first car accident EVER! The back of the car was a mess…still drive-able, thank you Jesus, but we had no freaking bumper! I mean we hit a construction truck! We could have been dead! As we drove away, I thought, “NOW WHAT?” How much was this going to cost to fix? How much would our insurance go up? How much was the ticket going to be? What if this causes other car problems? Should Josh even be driving right now? I wanted to yell at him! I wanted to tell him to look over his freaking shoulder! I wanted to say it was his fault and call him names! But for some reason, I didn’t. I told myself to keep my mouth shut. Then, I looked at my husband, who had now pulled into a gas station and was crying and shaking because he was too scared to drive. I looked at him and saw how bad he was feeling about himself. I saw fear in his eyes. I saw the same worries I had in his face. And I knew that yelling at him wasn’t going to fix a THING! It would only make things worse. So, I told him to get out of the car and we stood there hugging in the parking lot. I held him while he cried and apologized and told me how horrible he felt for putting us in that situation. Even though I didn’t feel like being respectful, I was and it turned into such a bonding moment for us.
And you know what, everything worked out! God was in control the whole time. We paid for the ticket. I only cost $500 to get the car fixed. Our insurance didn’t go up that much. It all worked out in the end. But, over the next few weeks, months and even today, I struggle with respecting him in the situation. Oh no ladies, just because time has past doesn’t mean we don’t need to decide every day to be respectful. I am tempted to bring up the accident all the time. When Josh hits the breaks a little to hard or takes a turn a little faster than I would have. The devil is right there to say “Bring it up! Remind him of when he got into the accident.” And if I am totally honest with you, I have given into that temptation before and said something snotty like “Guess you didn’t learn your lesson.” And I would like to publicly apologize to my husband. It wasn’t respectful, and you know what, I’m not going to bring it up ever again!
Respect is SO IMPORTANT, ya’ll! I don’t remember where I heard it this week, but someone said in a Bible study or something that your husband desires respect and if he doesn’t get it from you, he will find somewhere that he does. And, I don’t mean he’s going to go out and cheat on you, though I guess that is one way that he could, but maybe he feels respected at work, so he starts spending more time there. Maybe his friends make him feel respected, so he spends more time with them than you. I don’t know about you, but I want Josh to desire to spend time with me more than anywhere or anyone else!!
See, no one is perfect. We all have growing to do. Especially in this area. I struggle with respect. Not that I don’t feel like Josh deserves it or that I don’t want to respect him. I just don’t really know how. So that is your assignment this week. It’s going to be a tough one, even for me, but I want you to sit down with your husband and ask him these questions.
- How have you felt disrespected by me in the past?
- What can I do to show you respect?
- When do you feel most respected?
Now, this isn’t an invitation to a fight. Don’t take what he says and turn it in to WWIII. Just take it as a growth opportunity. Like I said before, you can’t fix what you don’t know isn’t working. I will see you all next week!!